Life....

This may be melancholy so prepare yourself.

I have just been filled with such incredibly sadness & loss lately. We have friends - Luis & Rhonda - Don met Luis through a Father's group at our church about 5 or 6 years ago. They are an incredibly family. I have talked about them before. Luis found out he had cancer by accident when he had appendicitis while I was pregnant with Patrick. After that he was hit hard with all the treatments - they were really aggressive and for a short time (the summer after Patrick was born) things looked up and we celebrated his remission. Unfortunately his remission did not last long and by that September it was back worse than ever. By the time we were celebrating Patrick's 1st birthday, Luis's doctors basically said there was not much else they could do and it has been a waiting game the past 2 years. That wait is almost over now. Luis went through a massive episode about 3 weeks ago and the cancer has grown so much it is putting incredible pressure on his organs. He had to have a g-tube inserted and that's been his only nutrition since the beginning of February. Now that is causing problems and his organs are starting to shut down. He has a marriage any of us would give for - two wonderful little boys that JUST celebrated their 9th & 11th birthdays this month - he is at peace and accepting all of this. He has never once....not ONCE complained....never wished this hadn't happened to him ....never negative. Today his wife had to console me - how sad is that. They are an inspiration to us and have always been. They, almost single-handedly (& without knowing it), made such changed to our faith & views of things.

I would be surprised if Luis lives 10 more days. He is ready & comfortable leaving this world for the next. Somehow I am not. I can't imagine his family without him and I am already mourning him and I feel so awful that I can't join them in feeling at peace with this. I know where he's going....I know it's waaaay better than here and I have so much admiration for him seeing this as God's will and I am awe-struck how much he's touched other people through this. But I am so sad to lose my friend and for his family to not have him physically there every day. Seeing him today though I could see it wasn't all him anymore. He has begun the final changes and that is hard to see.

My brother died in 2001, just 4 years after his wife (who was like a sister to me) died after a long difficult illness. My brother's cancer was very hard and his was a shorter duration than Luis. I found my brother's death much harder than the deaths of my parents....we all expect to experience our parents passing but when it is your sibling, well that is harder because of their youth. I guess I am trudging up a lot about my brother as I experience this with Luis.

Life is just so precious & fragile and unfortunately we often forget that and go along our merry, busy way. I hope I can take all Luis taught me & showed me and put it into use and remember to appreciate this fragile life more.